Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Bad Joke Tuesday #9 ...
Turkey Wanker
A man goes into a job center looking for work, and is told that the only job that they have listed is for a " TURKEY WANKER ". He really needs the work, so he says that he'll take it.
The next day he shows up at nearby farm ready to work. He speaks to the farmer, who explains that the latest craze in Japan is for women to smear turkey spunk on their faces to prevent wrinkles. The farmer then adds "It's simple….just hold the turkey under one arm, grab its penis with the other, shake for a while, and then collect it in this bucket."
The man, unsure about the whole thing, enters the turkey coop where he finds thousands of Tom Turkeys. Suddenly, a huge turkey starts advancing towards him, blowing out his chest feathers and going "gobble gobble - gobble gobble".
The man freaks out a bit and says, "No way..... a hand-job is all you're going to get."
______________________
Top 10 Naughty Things Heard On Thanksgiving:
1. "Reach in and grab the gibblets."
2. "Whew...that's one terrific spread!"
3. "I enjoyed the breast, but I really got into the stuffing !"
4. "Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist."
5. "It's time, my thingy just popped up!"
6. "And he forces his way into the end zone!"
7. "She's fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down."
8. "It's cool whip time!"
9. "If I don't unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!"
10. "It must be broken 'cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out.
. . ... ...............
A man goes into a job center looking for work, and is told that the only job that they have listed is for a " TURKEY WANKER ". He really needs the work, so he says that he'll take it.
The next day he shows up at nearby farm ready to work. He speaks to the farmer, who explains that the latest craze in Japan is for women to smear turkey spunk on their faces to prevent wrinkles. The farmer then adds "It's simple….just hold the turkey under one arm, grab its penis with the other, shake for a while, and then collect it in this bucket."
The man, unsure about the whole thing, enters the turkey coop where he finds thousands of Tom Turkeys. Suddenly, a huge turkey starts advancing towards him, blowing out his chest feathers and going "gobble gobble - gobble gobble".
The man freaks out a bit and says, "No way..... a hand-job is all you're going to get."
______________________
Top 10 Naughty Things Heard On Thanksgiving:
1. "Reach in and grab the gibblets."
2. "Whew...that's one terrific spread!"
3. "I enjoyed the breast, but I really got into the stuffing !"
4. "Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist."
5. "It's time, my thingy just popped up!"
6. "And he forces his way into the end zone!"
7. "She's fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down."
8. "It's cool whip time!"
9. "If I don't unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!"
10. "It must be broken 'cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out.
. . ... ...............
Monday, November 24, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Bad Joke Tuesday #8 ...
A guy is standing in line at the supermarket when an attractive woman walks up to him and says hello.
"Do you know me?" he asked, unable to place her face. The woman smiles and replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Taken back by this statement, he quickly thinks of the one time that he was ever unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the lady from the party that had me spank your ass raw and then screw you in front of all the other party goers?"
The woman, with a strange look on her face, replies, "No, I'm your daughter's teacher."
___________________________________________
Sally said: *sigh* he bought me flowers today.
Sarah said : That's good isn't it?
Sally said: I don't know...I guess it means he wants me to lay on my back with my legs in the air again...
Sarah said: Why, haven't you got a vase?
. ...............
"Do you know me?" he asked, unable to place her face. The woman smiles and replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Taken back by this statement, he quickly thinks of the one time that he was ever unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the lady from the party that had me spank your ass raw and then screw you in front of all the other party goers?"
The woman, with a strange look on her face, replies, "No, I'm your daughter's teacher."
___________________________________________
Sally said: *sigh* he bought me flowers today.
Sarah said : That's good isn't it?
Sally said: I don't know...I guess it means he wants me to lay on my back with my legs in the air again...
Sarah said: Why, haven't you got a vase?
. ...............
Monday, November 17, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Bad Joke Tuesday #6 ...
One afternoon a little girl returned from her friends house, and announced that her friend had told her where babies come from. Amused, her mother replied, “Really, sweetie, why don’t you tell me all about it?” The little girl explained, “Well… OK… the Mommy and Daddy take off all of their clothes, and the Daddy’s thingie sort of stands up, and then Mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that’s how you get babies.”
Her mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her, eye to eye and said, “Oh, darling, that’s sweet, but that’s not how you get babies. That’s how you get jewelry.”
____________________________
A couple decided to go to Alaska for a romantic weekend. When they got to the cabin, it wass very cold, so the wife asked her husband to go chop some wood for that fire place. After 5 minutes outside, he comes back in and tells his wife that his hands were cold, so she tells him to put his hands between her thighs to warm them up.
He did and after they warmed back up, he went back out to continue to chop wood. He After another 5 minutes he came back in and says ” honey my hands are cold again”. So she tells him to put his hands between her thighs again.
Again, they warm up and he goes back out to chop more wood. 5 minutes pass and he goes in again in again and says, “honey my hands are cold again”.
This time his wife, looking a bit upset, says, ” Damn it dear, don’t your ears ever get cold?”
. ...............
Her mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her, eye to eye and said, “Oh, darling, that’s sweet, but that’s not how you get babies. That’s how you get jewelry.”
____________________________
A couple decided to go to Alaska for a romantic weekend. When they got to the cabin, it wass very cold, so the wife asked her husband to go chop some wood for that fire place. After 5 minutes outside, he comes back in and tells his wife that his hands were cold, so she tells him to put his hands between her thighs to warm them up.
He did and after they warmed back up, he went back out to continue to chop wood. He After another 5 minutes he came back in and says ” honey my hands are cold again”. So she tells him to put his hands between her thighs again.
Again, they warm up and he goes back out to chop more wood. 5 minutes pass and he goes in again in again and says, “honey my hands are cold again”.
This time his wife, looking a bit upset, says, ” Damn it dear, don’t your ears ever get cold?”
. ...............
Monday, November 10, 2008
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Friday, November 07, 2008
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Bad Joke Wednesday ...
A man goes to a Psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about sex."
The Psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots. "What is this a picture of?" he asks.
The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologist says, "very interesting," and shows the next picture. "And what is this a picture of?"
The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, "What is this a picture of?"
The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with sex."
"Me!?" demands the patient. "You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!"
. ...............
The Psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots. "What is this a picture of?" he asks.
The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologist says, "very interesting," and shows the next picture. "And what is this a picture of?"
The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, "What is this a picture of?"
The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with sex."
"Me!?" demands the patient. "You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!"
. ...............
Labels: Joke