Thursday, January 31, 2008

Cheating Wife ...


Monday, January 21, 2008

Divorced Barbie ...

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it’s his daughter’s birthday. He pulls over to a toy shop and asks the salesperson, “How much for one of those Barbies in the display window?”

The salesperson answers, “Which one do you mean, sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95.”

The amazed father asks, “It’s what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?”

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers, “Sir…Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken’s Car, Ken’s House, Ken’s Boat, Ken’s Furniture, Ken’s Computer and… one of Ken’s Friends.”

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Monday Stuff ...


Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Who Said It ...

Who Said It:
Vice President Dick Cheney or
Phil Leotardo From The Sopranos?

1. "Except for the occasional heart attack, I never felt better."

2. "You sound like a damn politician with all these excuses."

3. "What can you do—throw money at the problem?"

4. "He's never won anything, as best I can tell."

5. "Next time, there won't be a next time."

6. "You couldn't fuckin' retire?"

7. "Principle is OK up to a certain point, but principle doesn't do any good if you lose."

8. "First off, it wasn't an offer. It's my position."

9. "Everyone knows that you're not really a man unless you own a gun."

10. "I'll take that Discman and I'll ram it up your box."

11. "You want compromise?"

12. "Go fuck yourself."

- - - -

Dick Cheney: 1, 2, 4, 7, 9, 12

Phil Leotardo: 3, 5, 6, 8, 10, 11

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Tuesday, January 15, 2008

A Code... A Lawyer... & Spermies

A man walks into a bar. He sees a beautiful, well-dressed
woman sitting on a bar stool alone. He walks up to her and
says, “Hi there, how’s it going tonight?”

She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, “I’ll
screw anybody any time, anywhere, any place… it doesn’t
matter to me.”

The guy raises his eyebrows and says, “No kidding? What
law firm do you work for?”

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter.
One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter".
The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.
A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."
The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

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Friday, January 11, 2008

Friday Fun Mix


Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Ouch ...

They say that tanning can be dangerous.

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Tuesday, January 08, 2008

A Dog, A Bull And A Condom Truck

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Monday, January 07, 2008

Homer Simpson Quotes

1 "Mmmm, free goo."
2 "Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers."
3 "Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"
4 "Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"
5 "I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES."
6 "If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!
7 "When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!"
8 "Trying is the first step towards failure."
9 " What's the point of going out, we're just going to end up back here anyway?"
10 "They have the Internet on computers, now?"
11 "Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button."
12 "Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?"
13 "Here's to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life's problems."
14 "Let us all bask in television's warm glowing warming glow."
15 "Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation."

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Friday, January 04, 2008

Bunny Gets No Sex

And old one but still funny ...

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Thursday, January 03, 2008

Wishful Thinking ...