Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Bad Joke Tuesday #27 ...

A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.
As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I love to suck, and I really love to screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" the man replied, and proceeded to drop her.
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied: "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "What are you thinking now?"
He replied: "It looks like I did the job pretty well."

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Monday, March 30, 2009

Ummm Spermy ...


Sunday, March 29, 2009

Boobs ...


Saturday, March 28, 2009

Life In The Real World ...


Friday, March 27, 2009

Call Me... ... PLEASE


Thursday, March 26, 2009

Something I Found At Lowe's ...


Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Caught ...


Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Bad Joke Tuesday #26 ...

Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a machete to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"

To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a magnum gun and pointed it at him and said, "No you're not! You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"

On the first day of school three boys arrive to class late and the teacher asks the first boy "Why are you tardy," the boy replies "I've been on Blueberry Hill" the teacher said "Take your seat."

She asks the next boy why he was late. "I was on Blueberry Hill also" he replied.

Then she asked the third boy, and he replied with the same answer.

As the boys we're sitting down a girl walks in.

"Let me guess", said the teacher. "You where on Bluberry Hill aslo"

"NO.... I am Blueberry Hill" replied the girl.

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Monday, March 23, 2009

Phone Sex For Biologist ...


Sunday, March 22, 2009

Rate My Pict ...


Saturday, March 21, 2009

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words ...


Friday, March 20, 2009

Cabbage Patch Kids Gone Bad ...


Thursday, March 19, 2009

Clone -A- Willy ...


Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Sex Toy Story


Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Bad Joke Tuesday #25 ...

Single vs Engaged vs MARRIED!!
Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, "Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made passionate love on his desk right then and there!"

The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only had sex all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!"

The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos.
I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?

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Monday, March 16, 2009

Bacon Bra ...


Sunday, March 15, 2009

Fun With Rohyphnol ...


Saturday, March 14, 2009

Oh, Now I Understand ...


Friday, March 13, 2009

WTF Friday ...


Thursday, March 12, 2009

Hi Kirstin ...


Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Naughty Nokia ...


Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Bad Joke Tuesday #24 ...

Old Man's Penis ...
On her 70th birthday, an old spinnster decides it's time to finnaly get married. Since she has no hot prospects, she decides to run this ad in the local newspaper:

" Seventy-year young virgin seeks husband. Must be in same age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me, and MUST still be good in bed. Apply in person"

The next day, her doorbell rings, and when she opens the door, much to her dismay is a gray haired man in a wheelchair, and he has no arms or legs.

She asks the man, "Do you really expect me to choose you? You don't even have any arms or legs!" The old man replies, "Well, I don't have arms, so how could I beat you?" The woman agrees, and asks him to proceed. "I don't have any legs, so how could I run around on you? Again, she agrees, and replies, "But how could you, without any arms or legs, possibly be good in bed?"

The man smiles and says, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I!"

A cucumber, a Penis and an Olive ...

A cucumber, an olive and a penis are talking.

The cucumber says "I hate my life, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad."

The olive says "That's nothing, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza."

The penis says "You think you have it bad, when I get big fat and juicy they put me in a bag, throw me in a cave, shut the door and leave me there till I throw up"

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Monday, March 09, 2009

Global Warming ...


Sunday, March 08, 2009

Lazy ...


Saturday, March 07, 2009

Surprise ...


Friday, March 06, 2009

Newmans Own ...