Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Friendship ...


Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Bad Joke Tuesday #14 ...

A man with a 20-inch penis went to a local witch to complain about his sex life.

"Witch, he said, my penis is 20 inches long, and I can't get any women to have sex with me. The say that it's just to long, Can you help me shorten it?"

The witch asked him to pull it out so she could have a look at it. The man uncoiled his 20-inch penis. The witch stared in amazement, scratched her head, and then replied, "I think I have a solution to your problem. What you have to do is go to this pond deep in the forest. There you will see a frog sitting on a log who can help. You must ask the frog, 'will you marry me?' Each time the frog declines your proposal, your penis will be 4 inches shorter."

The man's face lit up and he dashed off into the forest. He came upon the pond and, sure enough, there sat the frog on a log. He uncoiled his huge python-like penis and called out to the frog, "Will you marry me?"

The frog looked at him with some disdain, and replied, "NO."

The man looked down and suddenly his penis was 4 inches shorter!

"WOW!" he screamed out loud. Then he said to himself, "This is great! But it's still too long at 16 inches, so I'll ask the frog to marry me again."

Once more he shouted to the frog, "Frog, will you marry me?"

The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back, "NO!"

The man felt another twitch in his penis, looked down, and it was another 4 inches shorter! The man laughed, and shouted, "This is fantastic!"

He looked down at his penis once more, and by now it was only 12 inches long, so he reflected for a moment. "Twelve inches is still a monster, just a little less would be ideal," he thought. "So, I'll ask the frog to marry me ONE more time."

Grinning, he looked across the pond and yelled out, "Frog, will you marry me?"

The frog looked back across the pond, shaking its head in frustration and said, "for the last time, NO, NO, NO!"

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Monday, December 29, 2008

Monday Funnies ...


Sunday, December 28, 2008

Seuss Sex ...


Saturday, December 27, 2008

Eating Nemo ...


Friday, December 26, 2008

Naughty Bits ...


Thursday, December 25, 2008

A Merry Christmas To All ...


Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Xmas Eve Critics ...


Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Bad Joke Tuesday #12 ...

Santa's Top Pickup Lines

1. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?

2. Wanna see my 12-inch elf?

3. I`ve got something special in the sack for you!

4. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?

5. I know when you`ve been bad or good--so let`s just get to it!

6. Some of my best toys run on batteries...

7. Interested in seeing the "North Pole"?

8. I see you when you`re sleeping--and I know you don`t wear underwear!

9. "I'll make you shake like a bowl full of jelly."

10. "I put the 'scroo' in Scrooge."

11. "One hour with me, honey, and you'll see flyin' reindeer!"

12. "I got your stocking stuffer right here, Baby!"
Five signs Your Wife Is Cheating With Santa

1. She comes home with tinsel stuck between her teeth and Claus marks on
her back.

2. Never very adventuresome in bed, she suddenly asks if you want to
do it "reindeer style."

3. Her picture is prominently featured on

4. She's shaved her pubic hair into the shape of a little chimney.

5. You find milk stains & cookie crumbs in her panties.

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Monday, December 22, 2008

Xmas is Cumming ...


Sunday, December 21, 2008

Naughty Or Nice ...


Saturday, December 20, 2008

Holiday Do-it Yourself Idea #29 ...


Friday, December 19, 2008

Xmas Product Of The Week #2 ...


Thursday, December 18, 2008

A Public Service Announcement ...


Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Occupational Trauma ...


Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Bad Joke Tuesday #11 ...

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through' Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of woman's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

The man replied, 'These are Carols.'

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Monday, December 15, 2008

A Christmas Carol ...


Sunday, December 14, 2008

Going Green ...


Saturday, December 13, 2008

Funny Pussy ...


Friday, December 12, 2008

Xmas Product Of The Week ...


Thursday, December 11, 2008

Fist Me For Xmas ...


Wednesday, December 10, 2008

A Christmas Gift ...


Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Politically Correct Night Before Xmas ...

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.

So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation, Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife, Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz, Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion. That making a choice could cause so much commotion. Nothing of leather, nothing of fur, Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute. Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot. Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise. Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific. Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth. Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden, Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological, Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt; Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe; And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed; He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay, you've got to be careful with that word today. His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground; Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might give to all without angering the left or the right. A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision, each group of people, every religion;

Every ethnicity, every hue, everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth... "May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

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Monday, December 08, 2008

A Festive Period ...


Sunday, December 07, 2008

Homemade Porn ...


Saturday, December 06, 2008

Men At Work ...