Bad Joke Tuesday #39 ...

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied: "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "What are you thinking now?"
He replied: "It looks like I did a pretty good job."

An elderly couple met for a romp in the broom closet at the nursing home. They undressed and were about to screw, The woman decided to warn the man of her heart condition.
"I should tell you, I have acute angina" she said.
The man replied, "thats good because you have the ugliest breasts I ever seen!"

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Bad Joke Tuesday #38 ...

The boob job

There was a woman who was interested in getting a boob job, so she went to her doctor, Dr. Smith and questioned him about implants.
He explained that, before you do anything too serious, there is a method that has worked for a lot of my patients.
Every morning when you wake up rub your boobs and say ''Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies.''
She did this faithfully for weeks and noticed one day that they actually were getting bigger, she was very impressed. One morning she woke up, late for work and very rushed. By the time she got on the bus she realized that she forgot to go through her routine.
So standing on the bus, while rubbing her boobs she says ''Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies''.
The man standing next to her says, ''You go to Dr. Smith?''
''Yes,'' she said, ''how did you know?''
He replies ''Hickory dickory dock!''
. . ... ................

Bad Joke Tuesday #37 ...

I'm Sorry Mr. Mccarthy

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of one Pete Mccarthy, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Pete had the longest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Mccarthy," said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity."

And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's distinguishing member. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife.

"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase.

"Oh, my God!" she screamed, "Pete is dead!"

Bad Joke Wednesday ...

A man goes to a Psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about sex."

The Psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots. "What is this a picture of?" he asks.

The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."

The Psychologist says, "very interesting," and shows the next picture. "And what is this a picture of?"

The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."

The Psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, "What is this a picture of?"

The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."

The Psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with sex."

"Me!?" demands the patient. "You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!"

. ...............

Bad Joke Tuesday #4 ...

A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."

A couple of blonde women in a pickup truck drove into a
lumberyard. One of the blonde ladies walked into the office and
said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The woman said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. She returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

"All right. How long do you need them?"

She paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."

After a while, she returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."
. ...............

Pole-a-Palooza ...

Bob works hard at the office and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know that you drink Budweiser."

"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."

A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Bob. "Hi Bob," she says, "Want your usual table dance?"

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Bob!"

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Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, 'My son is a Priest. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Father'. The second one chirps 'My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, everyone says 'your Grace'.' The third Catholic lady says smugly, 'My son is a Cardinal. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Your Eminence'.' The fourth Catholic lady sips her coffee in silence. The first three ladies all ask, 'Well...?' She replies, 'My son is a 6' 2' hard-bodied stripper, and hung like a rhino. When he walks into a room, everyone says, 'Oh, my God...'
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Tit Jokes ...

Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other?

A: "We'd better get some support or people are gonna think we're nuts!!"

A man named Mike went over to his friend's house and rang the bell. His friend's wife, Nora, answered the door.

"Hi, is Tony home?" he asked her..... "No, he went to the store."

"Well, you mind if I wait?".... "No, come on in."

They sat down and shortly Mike said, "You know, Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could see just one."

Nora thought about this for a second, and thought about how badly they needed the money right now. She opened her robe and exposed one. Mike promptly thanked her and put $100 on the table.

They sat there a while longer, and Mike said, "They are so beautiful! I'd love to see the both of them. I'll give you another 100 bucks if I could just see both of them together."

Nora thought about this for a moment, then opened her robe and gave Mike a nice big look. Mike thanked her and threw another $100 on the table. Then he said he couldn't wait any longer for Tony and left.

A while later, Tony arrived and Nora said, "You know, your weird friend Mike came over while you were gone."

Tony turned and said, "Good. Did he drop off the $200 he owed me?"
. ............

The Teacher ...

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!" With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?" Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:

One, you have a dirty mind, two, you didn't read your homework assignment, and three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."
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