Monday, December 03, 2007

Bar Room Translations ...

1. "Excuse Me." (male to male) -- "Get the hell out of the way."

2. "Excuse Me." (male to female) -- "I am going to grope you now."

3. "Excuse Me." (female to male) -- "Don't even think about groping me, just get the hell out of the way."

4. "Excuse Me." (female to female) -- "Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not all that, missy, and don't think for one minute that you are. And get your eyes off of my man, or I'll slap you like the slut you are."

5. "What do you have on tap?" -- "What's cheap?"

6. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (female) -- "I'm easy."

7. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (male) -- "I'm gay."

8. "Can I have a white Russian?" (female) -- "I'm *really* easy."

9. "Can I have a white Russian?" (male) -- "I'm *really* gay."

10. "That person looks really familiar." -- "Did I sleep with him/her?"

11. "Can I just get a glass of water?" (female) -- "I'm annoying, but cute enough to get away with this."

12. "I don't have my ID on me." (female) -- "I'm 16."

13. "I don't have my ID on me." (male) -- "I don't have a license since I got pulled over and blew a 0.4 after my last visit here"

14. "You get this round and the next round is on me." -- "I'll be leaving before the next round."

15. "I'll get this round and the next one is on you." -- "Happy hour is about to end. Beers are now a dollar, but by the next round they'll be $3.50."

16. "Hey, where is that friend of yours?" -- "I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position."

17. "Ever try a body shot?" (male to female) -- "I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you."

18. "Ever try a body shot?" (female to male) -- "If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the ride home?"

19. "I don't feel well, let's go home." (female) -- "You are paying more attention to your friends than me."

20. "I don't feel well, let's go home." (male) -- "I'm horny."

21. "Who's got the next round?" -- "I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention."

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