Monday, November 19, 2007

Blowjob Etiquette

Blowjob Etiquette (by a female)

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.

3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.

5. My ears are NOT handles.

6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?

7. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.

8. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.

9. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.

10. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

11. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.

12. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

13. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.

14. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".


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2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You go girl, Thats great.

3:22 AM  
Blogger Bob said...

Hahaha! I love a women who knows what she likes and what she does not like.

7:52 AM  

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